Both 'light' and difficult topics covered. Easy to use format. Format works for many different types of couples.Cons
You might find out more than you bargained for!Verdict
A sensible, honest way to get to know a person more deeply and improve communication. You could 'do it yourself' but this book will make it easier.
Review of "1000 Questions for Couples" by Michael Webb
A lot, of course, depends on the nature of your relationship and how long you've been together. You probably know their favorite foods, what they enjoy as relaxation, how they feel about their boss.
But do you know if they want children? How they manage their money? What really did happen during that relationship they always skip hurriedly over?
1000 Questions for Couples is designed to find out what you should, 'absolutely know about your mate.'
'Do you know how they really think about the way you dress?' asks Michael Webb. 'Have you ever asked your partner what are the three most sensitive parts on their body?'
Well, I have to admit here that it took a couple of years of sensitive and very gentle persuasion to talk my husband into dealing with trousers (don't ask). However I got the body parts straight away!
Which just shows how individual and sensitive these issues can be.
'An estimated 83% of divorces would not take place if couples asked each other the right questions,' says Mr Webb. Which does kind of make you wonder if anyone would get married at all if they marched through this book question by question. But of course that's not the intention, and indeed many married couples use the questions to re-establish intimacy and address communication in their marriages.
This can only be a good thing.
The website makes it clear that these are not simple, small talk questions. There are some fun, getting-to-know-you type questions included, but the core of the book is about matters that most people don't even think of, especially when they are in the first flushes of romance.
'My girlfriend and I avoided discussing certain topics like our thoughts about sex, our religious differences and her spending habits. These 1000 questions have helped us to open up to one another in a way I didn't think was possible,' said one website endorser.
Topics covered include: Personality, Feelings & Emotions; Attractions; Morals, Convictions and Beliefs; Past & Future; Career and Education; Money.
And, of course: Sex.
Michael Webb is a relationship expert who has written 17 books on the topic and has appeared on Oprah to talk about ways to rekindle relationships.
The book comes as a downloadable PDF and can be purchased in serial form with 3-4 questions being emailed each day.
And, although this is a simple idea which you'd think most people could work out for themselves, it really does seem that the method is helpful, especially for people who have had failed relationships and are anxious about embarking on that journey again.
'I was married once before ... My fiance and I have gone through all the questions and no stones are left unturned this time. Some are light-hearted (which I am glad for) but many are questions that I really wish me and my first husband had discussed. I highly recommend this for anyone in a serious relationship. It will save you a lot of grief if you can answer the questions honestly.'
Which I guess is the key - both partners have to be honest and engaged in the process in order for it to work.
And the questions seem to be really helpful for couple in long-distance relationships and/or those who are trying hard to progress their relationship against the odds.
'We highly recommend it!' said one woman. 'We are sharing the questions by mail, a category at a time, and have learned so much about each other and it has brought up discussions that would never happen in the course of our normal phone calls. To be honest, I thought he would think it was sort of "dorky" but he has loved the questions and the discussions.'
Which just shows you what can happen when real communication starts.
Another person liked the fact that the book makes the questions appear to be coming from someone else - thus avoiding feelings of being put on the spot or accused.
'The questions start off easy like "Has anyone dear to you died? How did you handle it" and "About what things are you most selfish." They slowly progress until you get to those questions that you simply can't avoid if you are going to commit your life to living with someone. There are questions on drug addictions, abuse, child rearing, finances and lots of questions about sex. And because these questions are coming from a book, you don't feel like "you" are asking them.'
And this is the real magic. The questions make people talk; about things that matter to them.
'We talked all night long that night, and continued to use the book for the next few nights thereafter. One question had us talking for an hour! We were talking like we did when we first met: non-stop. There were questions that I don't think either of us would have thought to ask each other.'
However, as one user said, 'The key to using this book is to really bare it all. Try not to hold anything back.'
So if you're not ready for this then maybe you're not ready for this relationship. Communication goes two ways!
A simple, effective, honest way forward. Recommended. Just don't bombard your partner, take it step by step!
Visit the official site for 1000 Questions for Couples
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